I Am Migyuel

I was in Club Government in Makati last weekend with a friend when this clean-looking guy offered me a bottle of beer. Although he looked timid, his approach was totally flirtatious and was no different from my usual antics. I turned down his offer. I already consumed seven bottles of San Mig Light, excluding the one in my hand and a pitcher of vodka-red.

His name was Dan. I personally knew him. I liked him sometime ago. And he knew it.

The lights at CG complemented the extremely fantastic music provided by DJ Bam. Yet in spite of the euphoria, I could feel Dan was still on me because he didn't leave my side. And true enough, just minutes after the beer episode, Dan asked me if I wanted to go to bed with him that night. I told him if he could wait until I was done partying, why not?

It was already 40 past 3 when I stepped out of the club, tipsy and hot. So I took a cab and headed straight to my condo. As soon as I reached my place, I immediately removed my shirt and pants. I can’t remember putting on my pajamas.

Then torrid scenes flashed before me. I thought it was just my imagination. I couldn't care less. I was dead-tired. Goodnight, I said.

I woke up at 9 in the morning with an extremely heavy head due to hangover. But just before I could get out of bed, I could see Dan sleeping beside me. He was naked. And under the sheets I know I was naked, too. But I knew I went home alone. Or so I thought.

Dan’s mother, Rebecca was my mom’s bestfriend and my only godmother.

I noticed that I can’t stick to one job for a long period of time. I easily get bored doing the same routine for a long period of time. Either I move to another department to learn something new, or move to another company to earn more. Whatever is the reason, the truth remains, I can tack my butt on my chair only for so much period of time.

This, however, is not new. Because in relationships, I easily get bored, too. Call it being flighty but as soon as I find something that is not within my guidelines, or after a few intimate moments in bed, I oftentimes end up not wanting to see my partner anymore. It may seem a little mischievous but what can I do? Would I force myself to continue liking someone when the truth is that I no longer really like him? On one hand, however, there seems to be some disconnect somewhere because whenever I don’t have a partner, I would always end up looking for one and wish we would last a lifetime.

Am I really immature in handling affairs of the heart the way I immaturely handle work-related matters? Or I still just didn’t find the right person for me? When would I know he’s the right person?

I always tell myself that as soon as the right man comes along, I will commit myself to him and only to him. But until now, the right man hasn’t come yet. Or hasn’t he? What if he already came but I was too preoccupied with other things? What if he fails to keep up with my requirements? Or I fall short of his expectation?

It’s not really a matter of life and death but all this time, this has remained to be a mystery unsolved. Until I am able to solve this, or find the right person, I am afraid I will continue to be flighty and move without direction.

I've been a resident of this condominium in Makati for 2 years now. And in those 2 years, I could say I've already seen what I needed to see. People from all walks of life - some pretending to be rich, others are pretending to be poor, while others can't decide on what to do with their lives. There are married people, single, students, straights, and lesbians. And . . . there are the gays.

Perhaps I'm so used to provincial life - knowing your neighbors, giving ulam, gate crashing. But in this condominium, or I presume in most condominiums here in the metropolis, knowing your neighbor is too taxing to do. Afterall, all doors are closed most of the time.

But what's funny are the gays, well, including myself. While others keep a friendly front, others are just too tight and snubbish. And while I and a lot more don't really care, the snubbish ones are the ugly ones, and I'm sure work for low-paying companies. Again, it's not that I am bothered but it's just frustrating that while a number of gay advocates are trying to make a unified stand on certains issues, gay neighbors could not even be friendly to each other. Well, some don't really want to be known to be gays, but for goodness sake, they are gayer [for a lack of a better word] than Marcova.

There are those who are really masculine but every night, for goodness sake, they bring in to their units different men. Others look decent enough while others are just so gusgusin. The kind you would know were just picked up in the neighborhood. Crazy as I am, I would usually flirt with their exploits while waiting for the elevator or inside the elevator. And if only they see their faces, bwahahahaha, they look so funny - envious and furious.

But here's the best part - you don't have to go far and beyond to find a partner or two. Just move around the condo and loh! you'd find just exactly what you're looking for. Some are good, while others are not, even worse. And what's funny at this point, the worse, or worst performers are the maarte ones. Kadiri di ba?

At any rate, living in this condo is perhaps, one of the best things that happened to me.

Alavit!

Isn't this what I want? Isn't working in Ortigas what I've always wanted? Isn't living in Ortigas Center one of my illusions? Soon I'll be working in Ortigas and eventually live there, but why do I have this feeling of melancholy rather than excitement? Am I sad because I'll leave my boss whose so good to me; whose like a mother to me? Am I sad because I'll leave my officemates who are really crazy; who share my craziness in a lot of things? Or am I sad because I live my condo in Makati; the same condo unit that served as a witness of all my crazy activities? Or perhaps because Ortigas has a lot of memories painted on its walls about a love that once shared but got lost along the way; a love that could have lasted a lifetime.

Hayyy!

I hope this feeling gets off the hook soon. And it better be sooner before I go crazy.

I believe this world is beautiful like a rainbow painted in the sky. Anything done to change its color and form is irreverent to the One who created it.

I believe this world is for everyone to manage. Everyone – regardless of gender, social class, lifestyle and age.

I believe development is inevitable. But development that is disrespectful to trees, rivers, seas, flowers, mountains, plants and animals is not development at all. It is destruction in the guise of development.

I believe humanity needs to survive. But surviving at the expense of others is not survival at all. It is murder. It is a crime to humanity.

I believe everyone is free to do everything. It has to adapt to live. But adaptability has its limits as freedom has its boundaries. Accountability is the checkpoint of that freedom. Accountability to other people and to God.

I believe we are only passersby of this world. We should not leave anything dirty along the way.

I believe we have responsibility to our parents. Whatever we do to them, we do it to Mother Earth. The respect we give to them reflects on the kind of respect we render Mother Earth.

I believe our children are God’s gift to us. They deserve to enjoy the beauty of the world. After all, this world is not for the present but for the next generation. Whatever we do to it, we do it them.

I believe on the power of dreams. If we dream as one, let us dream as one. But I also believe dreams remain to be dreams if not acted upon. Let us act on our dreams and together we stand as one to keep this world beautiful.

A Reaction To Msgr. Dakay’s Statement On The Canister Scandal

By The Ninang

In a radio program of Radio Veritas, Msgr. Achilles Dakay, spokesman of the Archdiocese of Cebu, pointed out that the root cause of the now highly sensationalized canister-removed-from-a-gay-anus scandal is actually the homosexual act, here., man having sex with another man. I totally understand where Msgr. Dakay was coming from. As a guardian of morality, it is his, as it is the church’s duty, to propagate moral teachings to the people, regardless of  his or her religious affiliation. That is without question.

But the issue here is not the “homosexual act”. If that gay was killed in the process of having sex, yes, the issue is the homosexual act. And I will blame no one but himself. But no! The issue was about a group of medical personnel whom this poor gay’s life he entrusted to but in the process maligned his reputation by allowing nursing brats to take a video on the procedure without any reprimand. By doing nothing, these doctors and clinical instructors encouraged these brats to humiliate the poor gay during the surgical procedure. What’s worse, these doctors and nurses who were highly trained on the ethics of their profession, did not realize that the video would be in the internet. If videos of that gay was the one posted on Youtube while having sex with another man, the issue is homosexual act. But the issue is not the homosexual act. It is the fact that some of our doctors and nurses and those struggling students get so fascinated with the sight of a canister removed from someone’s anus totally forgetting their own morality.

Msgr. Dakay was right in saying it would not have had happened if gay Danilo did not solicit sexual favors from that hustler. But what appears to be not right was when Msgr. Dakay inadvertently diverted the issue from breach of professional decency into a homosexual indecency and morality.

If Msgr. Dakay aims to correct our decaying morality, I believe the best start is by asking what can be done to stop this kind of sexual abuse among gays and lesbians instead of attacking them with what was perceived to be their weakness. Not only it was unfair as they were helpless, the good prelate already rendered indiscriminate judgment.

So before we become another market place of argument diverting from one topic to another without coming up with a solution to any of them, I humbly request the good Msgr. Dakay to please focus on the issue on the medical malpractice; otherwise, let’s also talk about the abuses of some priests and bishops in the church, all related to sexual abuse.

Today is Earth Day. Let's work together to save it before it dies. Because if it does, none of us will also survive.

Dear Friend,

I just wanna take this opportunity to tell you how much I care for you. I may be stupid-acting at times, but the truth remains, those weird gestures were purposely, no matter how pathetic, done just so I could draw your attention. I am always happy to see you smile at me, or say my name, or dance with me. And I will remain to be.

Despite the fact that becoming "you and me" is far from reality, thank you for allowing me to love you in ways I know, this included. It is my fervent prayer that our friendship remains forever. And while we grow older, I pray that our unspoken love will steadfastly remain deep in our hearts.

Friend, you're the best thing that ever happened to me.

PS: I saw you and your lover yesterday. You looked good together.

I was so frustrated I was not able to attend the opening night. As a child of Club Government, I feel it wasn't just my obligation to support its activities, but a birthright to participate, big or small events alike. I was somewhere that time trying to make life harder for someone. Hmmm.

Last night, a good friend vehemently insisted that we go to Club Government. According to him, it was already so far from the old. The thought of a newly renovated Club Government immediately pumped some adrenalin into my system so much so that days before it closed, Good Mother enticed me about the new design. What could be more exciting than seeing your "second home" newly renovated?

The moment I got in last night, I couldn't help but be awed by the NEW CLUB GOVERNMENT. Truly, as one friend puts it, a new Club Government worthy of envy.

MUSIC: We go to a disco bar to dance, to have fun, to enjoy. And music sets the tune. At the New Club Government, whew! the music is FANTABULOUS! Upbeat hits that are so new millennium! You can't help but move a finger or two, as truly, the music is superbly mixed. Thanks to DJs Don and Brit. I can't wait to hear from DJ Bam. At a lucid interval, I felt I was filming Queer As Folks, with me of course replacing . . . Debbie.

LIGHTS: EXCELLENT SANS RIVAL! The blue colored lights which illuminated the entire dance floor were more than anything, conducive to fun and party. But I thought I've seen everything. Oh geez! The spotlight at lording above the DJ's booth was . . . so Evita. If you are one person who loves attention, that single spotlight will give you one. If you are there just to have fun but opts to hide in the shadows of the new couches, that single spotlight will find you. And finally, the airport blast lights as I call it - WOW! - trance. Nothing more. Trance.

DRINKS: Nothing new. Only better. And the drinks-server, hmmm, yummy as ever.

My clubbing experience last night at the newly renovated Club Government was more than just fun. It was a moment to see old friends and meet new ones. After all, you go out of the house to seek out or be sought, right?

What more can I ask for? Well, to be in what a lot of people call - HOME.

University of the Philippines

The Manila Chamber Orchestra Foundation, Inc.

Banco de Oro

University of the Philippines

College of Music

Diliman, Quezon City

Present

Recital 1

Josiah M. Samaniego

Pianist

06 April 2008

4 o’clock in the afternoon

Francisco Santiago Hall

BDO South Tower

Makati Ave. cor. HV Dela Costa Street

Makati City

Toccata in em BWV 914

J.S. Bach

Emotions No. 3

A. Buenaventura

Rhapsody in bm Op. 79 No. 1

J. Brahms

Etude “Pur les Arpeges Composes”

C. Debussy

Sonata No. 3 Allegro Tempestuoso

S. Prokofiev

Piano concerto No. 1 in C Op. 15 Allegro con brio, Largo, Allegro

L. V. Beethoven

These are the things I would want to do before the end of summer, which usually falls on May 28, my birthday. “End-of-Summer” Party is how I would usually call my birthday celebration.

1.            Go back to Baguio [went there for the Panagbenga ‘08].

2.            Stay overnight in Sagada and Banawe alone.

3.            Go to Subic. Stay overnight in one of those ramshackle resorts.

4.            Go to Hidden Springs Resort. This is owned by a good friend and he promised to give me a very good discount.

5.            Visit Lucena in Villa Juanita. There’s a very romantic falls there. I also love the fishpond and the piggery. The flowers and plants are so beautiful. It’s owned by Tito Cesar, my friend’s Tito actually.

6.            Watch concert. Any concert.

7.            Go to Pagudpud.

8.            Sign-up. Just sign-up.

9.            Eat suman-tsokolate-mangga.

10.        Attend my friend Lizan’s wedding in Cebu.

11.        Wall-climb.

12.        Go back to Puerto Galera. Have a good massage. Drink Piñacolada. Listen to my ipod.

13.        Swim [again] in a public pool.

14.        Mountain-climb.

15.        Move to a new condo.

16.        Work in Ortigas.

17.        Date my friend, I mean, my crush.

“Where have you been”?, asked Don Manuel, the patriarch of the Montefalcons. He was standing at the entrance of the puerta mayor; supported by his mahogany cane given by the late President Ferdinand Marcos.

“Buenas noches, Papa!”, replied Filigrina.

Filigrina was 17 years old and was a senior high school student at the Colegio De La Imaculada Concepcion in the remote municipality in the Visayas. She was the eldest in a brood of four girls whose 5-foot 5-inch height and mestiza complexion replicated that of their late mother, Doña Margarita. She was expected to finish only her high school. As soon as she reached eighteen, she was to marry Jaimito Sta. Victorias. She was a payment of all Don Manuel’s debt to Don Jaime, Jaimito’s father.

“I was at the library this afternoon and failed to notice that it was already late . . . “, she continued. But before she could finish her explanation, Don Manuel already slapped her in the face.

“Tonta!”, shouted the former alcalde.

“I went to school today, pero el guardia me dijo that you left very early”, continued the imposing 6-foot father.

And before Filigrina could explain further, he grabbed her hair and dragged her inside the sala. She stumbled near the narra coffee table where a letter was laying. It was already opened and read.

“Puta!”, shouted Don Manuel again, this time hitting Filigrina’s legs with the tip of the cane.

“Who is Alfonso? Tell me!”

Filigrina cried. She didn’t know how to tell her father about Alfonso. She didn’t know how to tell her father that she didn’t love Jaimito. She didn’t know how to tell her father she wanted to finish her studies and become a teacher. All she knew at that time was to cry; helplessly cry.

“Alfonso”, she whispered with her tears flowing down her cheeks, “help me”.

Just after calling on Alfonso, belt strap hit her back. It was very painful. Then another hit. Then another.

“Who is Alfonso?”. Then another hit.